Waiting On God

I have been waiting for what seems like a very long time. What have I been waiting for?  if you asked me that a few months ago I would not have been able to give you a reasonable answer. 

I recently made the statement that I have been frustrated most of my life. The reason for my frustration was that every where I look Christian people are more interested in bringing God to their level than they are of preaching the word of God and worshiping the one true God.

The Lord, He is God, we are His people and the sheep of His pasture.  

In the last few months I have not felt frustration I have however felt such a desperation to know the Lord more intimately that I didn't care what it cost me to get to Him. I think because of that desperation, I have finally gotten some real answers. 

Several times lately I have had prophesy that I have waited and preached and taught about what  I have longed for in the Spirit.  I have waited and hoped and prayed, but just like Elijah when he was on the mountain, saw a small cloud and knew the rain was coming.  I see the Lord moving in a way I could never have dreamed of.  Last night, for the second time, I visited a church that a friend had told me about. As I lay on the floor after being prayed for, I was engulfed by the glory of God, nothing but the glory. I lay there with my arms wide open and felt as if I had the world in my arms and I was loving all it's inhabitants.

  

For God so LOVED the world that He gave his only begotten son that who so ever BELIEVES in Him (JESUS) will not perish but will have everlasting life. 

I didn't know until I started writing this that God was letting me feel some of the love He felt when He had to turn His face away from His dying son so that He (GOD) could have fellowship with all who would believe in Jesus. Today I awoke with so much joy flooding my heart that my eyes have been leaking with tears of joy all day.

Why would you ever complain, O Jacob,

    or, whine, Israel, saying,

“God has lost track of me.

    He doesn’t care what happens to me”?

Don’t you know anything? Haven’t you been listening?

God doesn’t come and go. God lasts.

    He’s Creator of all you can see or imagine.

He doesn’t get tired out, doesn’t pause to catch his breath.

    And he knows everything, inside and out.

He energizes those who get tired,

    gives fresh strength to dropouts.

For even young people tire and drop out,

    young folk in their prime stumble and fall.

But those who wait upon God get fresh strength.

    They spread their wings and soar like eagles,

They run and don’t get tired,

    they walk and don’t lag behind. Isaiah 40: 27-31(MSG)

Waiting" author Ben Patterson says,

“There are 2 virtues required for successful waiting

 Humility and Hope.

Humility teaches us that we exist for God's sake,

not for our own - but for His purposes.

Hope assures us that there is something worth waiting for.”




"Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength." Isaiah 40:31


"The Lord delights in those who fear Him, who put their hope in His unfailing love." Psalm 147:11

Jesus show's His love for us by giving us children!

Jesus show's His love for us by giving us children!  

Sometime during the late 1970’s, I decided to go on a 21 day fast. Not a Daniel fast mind you but a water only fast. Needless to say my 21 day fast lasted 10 days.

I had heard a radio preacher say that when you fasted you should be specific.  So I specifically asked for a brand new blue Chevrolet Van. I don’t think I have ever seen a blue Chevrolet van in my entire life before or after the fast. However, van’s were a popular item in the 70’s and it was all I could think of that I might like to have!

           

However, during the fasting time, I was reading a book by Demos Shakarian. Demos was the man who started the full gospel business men’s fellowship. The book was called “The Happiest People on Earth”.  In the book he told of his grandparents and the Pentecostal Russians who came across the Armenian borders to tell them about all the miracles that were happening in their community. Demos told how his grandmother, who had been crying and yearning for a boy after having five girl children had thought that if miracles really happened then maybe they could ask God and he would give him a son.

Then one day his grandfathers bother in law had the Holy Spirit come to him and he went to Demos grandmother and prophesied that she would have a son in one year. It happened just like the brother in law had said it would.

            I never got that new blue Chevrolet Van but what happened was so much better.  I believe that while I was reading that book and reading all the things God did in the lives of very ordinary people, I found faith to believe God for childless couples. I wound up a week after I quit, the fast, in a prayer meeting where the Holy Spirit fell on me and I walked on my knees all the way around the room prophesying to everyone there. When I got to my friend Sherry who had been praying for a baby but had not been able to conceive, I started to prophesy that in one year she would have a son. It happened just like I said it would.

            Many years later I was sitting in a CPR class with a woman that I worked with.  She had been going to a doctor who had done everything he knew to do to help her get pregnant but with no results. 

She was feeling really down and really alone. Her father had recently died from a ruptured aortic aneurysm. Shortly afterward her mother had to have a heart procedure done and a few weeks after the procedure she dropped dead while hanging some new curtains in her living room.

During the CPR class we were watching a video about performing CPR on a baby, when suddenly the baby in the video came alive. Just then I heard her sniffling back her tears.

Then I heard the Holy Spirit say to me. “If you will pray for her I will give her a baby!”

During the break for refreshments I went to her and told her what the Holy Spirit said to me. I the ask her if I could pray for her. She said “yes” so I just took her by the hand and simply said aloud,” Lord give her a baby” Six weeks later she called me at the unit where I worked and said, “Guess what I’m pregnant.” We were both so filled with joy!  She now has two children and they are both exceptional.  

Since that time I have prayed for so many women to have children and every one of them have either conceived or adopted.  There was a woman my daughter insisted I pray for.  I was unsure about praying for her because I didn’t think, with her personality, she would make a good mother. (I was being judgmental) However I prayed for her anyway. Right after she had the baby she seemed so helpless, I was sure I probably should have gone with my instincts and not prayed for her.  Then several years later I saw her at a school gathering and by that time she had birthed three children. I was pleasantly surprised that she was dealing with all three of them like a pro. I decided right then and there that I was not the judge of who has a child. God is the giver of good gifts and it’s none of my business to whom He gives those gifts to!

Okay one more story sticks in my mind and then I’m finished with this subject.  This one is a hard one, and is the reason I told the previous one.

I first met this girl when she and her sister were in foster care at a friend’s home.  They had been taken from their mother because she was a habitual drug addict and a drug dealer.  Years past and I didn’t know what had happened to either of the girls after they left my friend’s home.

One day at a church gathering I met a woman who had been released from prison due to liver cancer.  The prison doctor had sent her home to die. She told the doctor that she was not going to die but that she was going to live and declare the works of the Lord.  I was very impressed with this woman’s testimony.  Later she began coming to our church and making restitution with her children. She told everyone that she was declaring things that are not as though they were. Well, I soon found out that I knew two of her daughters. They were the girls that my friend had fostered.

The younger of the two was in prison for drugs and as soon as she got out her mom brought her to church. I soon found out that this girl had three children that she had to give away because she had to go to prison and there was no one to care for them.  After she got out of prison her mom kept calling her and her sisters mighty women of God. There was another sister that had gone to live with her dad when their mom went to prison.  Their mom just kept calling all three of them mighty women of God. Both her other sisters had daughters. As this young woman started to change she got close to her sister’s children and started to grieve over her own children that she no longer had any kind of access to.

She married a man that was a Christian and had been on staff at a church I had formerly attended. He had, had an accident and hurt his back and had lost so much weight I hardly recognized him when I saw him with her. I was happy for them and thought they made a great couple.

Later on, she heard that I prayed for women to have babies and wanted me to pray for her to have a baby.  So I prayed for her. However, as time passed and she didn’t get pregnant, I asked God what was going on that she had not yet conceived. He put in my spirit that she had not forgiven herself for giving her children away.  One day I felt very impressed to go to a certain store to buy a gift for a friend.  Just as I was looking for a gift at the costume jewelry section of the store that was close to the entry door I looked up and she and her husband were entering the store.  I called her name and asked if she had time to talk to me for a few minutes. She agreed and her husband left to go and shop while we talked. I told her what God had put in my heart and we prayed together about it. Shortly afterward she was able to learn that her children were being well cared for and doing well.  Time passed and still no results.  So, I am thinking well maybe I don’t have the ability to pray for babies any more? I wonder what is going on?

Then one day her husband came over to my house.  He was visiting with my daughter and as he started out I went out with him talking all the while. Once we were on the back porch I spoke his name and said let’s pray.  As we prayed, I had a thought that I almost rejected. In my mind I said:” God what was that thought all about?” Suddenly I knew what it was about and prayed aloud that God would fix his man parts! He immediately commented, “I really need all the help I can get in that department right now.” 

As I write this, I write it with the knowledge that their little girl will be born three months from now!  I'm grinning for joy so wide my cheeks hurt.  All I can say is “Isn’t The LORD So Very, Very Always Good”

Only in Jesus Name

All the hurt and all the pain
All the remembrance  of all the shame
Be gone in Jesus name.

Well of living waters be uncovered to flow freely once again
Flow freely once again, flow freely once again
Well of living waters flow freely once again

No more hurt, no more pain,
no more crippling memories and no more shame.

Shut in with Jesus in the secret place
I receive healing and I receive His grace.
Shut in with Jesus in the secret place
I receive healing and I receive His grace
Well of living waters flow freely once again

I say mountains be gone, mountain of sin, mountains of pride,
mountains of self love always trying to hide.
Mountains of doubt that always try to claim
that I'm all alone buried beneath the shame and pain
I proclaim you now crucified, on the cross of Christ
can you be denied the power you have had over me.

Well of living water flow freely once again
Flow freely once again, flow freely once again
Flow freely because of Jesus and the strength of His name.

I am crucified with Christ, never the less I live yet not l
And the life that I now live in the flesh I live flesh
I live by faith in the son of GOD who loved me
and gave Himself for me!
Thank you For Your love Wonderful  Jesus.
Thank you Lord for loving ME.

FORGIVNESS

     Just finished watching Sid Roth's program for this week entitled Hearing the voice of God.   As I think about all the ways I've heard His voice it make me wonder why I've heard Him so many times, obeyed Him and went to many places in the world and yet I still have a problem listening to what He is saying to me? 
I think it may be because I hold on to the things that have hurt me so tightly and sometime refuse to let go of them.  I take hurt so personally as if I were the only person who has ever been hurt in exactly this way.  Could it be that I am addicted to grief and sorrow. 

     I excuse myself by knowing that I feel the hurt and pain deeply so that I nurse it and rehearse it until it gets so very old and feeble I have to let it go or die with it. (:~) 

     Yesterday morning I read a monthly email written by a professional writer whom I've met and greatly respect.  He said that we have to feel the hurt before we can let it go.  He talked about how he had a grudge that he held onto for years and kept saying he had forgiven the guy.  However when his wife asked if he had really forgiven him since he was still bringing it up so often.  He realized he had not forgiven him at all.  He was able to forgive the man after that but also stated that before forgiveness can come to us we need to fully feel the hurt that was caused by the offence. 

All that was said to bring me to this... Yesterday I realize a new hurt that had been brewing inside me and I suddenly felt the pain of rejection and the wound it was causing.  Last night while talking to a close friend I related to her the new hurt that was brewing inside me. 

Her comment to me was,  "You have to let that go!" 
My reply back to her was, "Yep I know but I have to feel it at least for one day!" 

With that in mind I have decided to never nurse or rehearse a hurt more that a day!  

Now that my story and I'm sticking to it! 

My Dream Came True!

Sometimes dreams really do come true! I can attest to that because when I was forty one years old one of my lifelong dreams came true. It all started when I was about five or six year old.

It started like this, because momma worked in the Fulton Bag & Cotton Mill when we were sick or needed to go to the dentist we could go to the clinic provided by the mill. The clinic had a long church pew bench along one wall and chairs along two other walls. At the end of the church pew bench was a set of double doors that were never closed and you could see inside the treatment room that had all sort of medical paraphernalia lining the walls and a metal table in the middle of the room. Across from the church pew bench was a glassed in office with a receptionist who sat behind the window typing and taking the names of those who came in to see either the doctor or the dentist.

My favorite place to sit in the clinic was at the end of the bench! I sat there so I could watch around the end of the bench through the double doors at everything that was happening in the treatment room and I could also watch across the room where Laverne the receptionist did her work. I guess you could say I was noisy! One of my favorite places during that time of my life was sitting in the clinic watching all that was going on there!

The nurse was so beautiful in her white starched dress and cap with white hose and white shoes. She wore dark red lipstick, which contrasted vividly against all the white she wore! However, she was fierce looking and serious. She never smiled and when she spoke her voice sounded sharp and commanding. Everything about her was terrifying to my young mind! Lavern was just the opposite. She was dark skinned with long black hair and soft brown eyes and she always smiled and was always helpful! I wanted to be just like Lavern!

I visited the clinic often, I usually went there to see the dentist or the have my throat checked. It seemed I always had a sore throat! I had terrible allergies and sinus drainage but back then not much was known about treating allergies. I also had untreated seasonal asthma! So since I visited often and always tried for the seat on the end next to the double doors... not too hard to get because most grownups didn't even want that seat because they were squeamish. But not me... I loved to watch everything going on in there! So as I watched the beautiful nurse and then the sweet nature'd receptionist. I came to a conclusion that someday I wanted to be a nurse. But when I became a nurse I would be sweet like Lavern!

Life happens and I soon forgot my dream. I quit school in the 10th grade and married soon after that. I got a GED diploma a month before my son graduated from High school and felt very proud that I had finally finished High School. About a year after my son graduated one of his friends dropped by one day! She was in nursing school and was telling me about her classes. I told her that I had always wanted to become a nurse.

"Then why don't you?", she asked.

"I'm too old now!" I replied.

"You are not!", she answered back.

She began telling me about a pilot program at the local hospital that taught a class for LPN's and suggested I apply. The very thought of it was frightening. Considering how long it took me to get up the nerve to get my GED , nursing school seemed like the most frightening thing I'd ever considered.

My youngest daughter was in middle school at that time and I learned about a program at her school that needed parents for volunteers to do nurse duty for half days. The nursing director from the hospital was coming to do a training class for the volunteers, so that the parents who volunteered would be somewhat qualified to help the children. I volunteered, took the class and after the training asked the nursing director about the pilot program. She told me I needed to come by her office and pick up an application fill it out and bring it back to her and they would look at my application! If I was considered for the program they would then call me in for an interview. I went by and picked up the application that very same day. A few days after I returned my application I was called in for an interview and was accepted into the program.

In 1985 I passed my licensing exam and became an LPN. I went to work at the hospital where I did my training and was extremely proud and happy to go to work each day.

During my first six months as a nurse I was hit, kicked, pinched and cussed out by a demented little old lady, peed on, pooped on, puked on, and learned just how hard my chosen profession is. Nevertheless I always smiled and treated people with respect and kindness just like Lavern the receptionist in my youth had done. I worked hard and loved every minute of it.

I often say to myself and to others that I would never work as hard doing anything other than nursing. It is and has been one of the joys of my life to serve others through nursing.

I'm often reminded of the verse in Matthew 25:35-40 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’

“Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

“The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’

Dreams really do come true.....Even though they may take a very long time to happen, I believe God himself plants those dreams in the heart of a little child and He himself watches over those dreams and brings then to fruition! So, beloved Keep on dreaming!